A BUFFALO FROM ANY OTHER NAME SMELLS JUST AS SWEATY

December 30, 2025

by Rusty W. Mitchum

I was talkin’ to a buddy of mine outside of the grocery store and he was tellin’ me about visitin’ Yellowstone Park over the summer and he was just startin’ to tell me about an enormous herd of buffalo he had seen, when, in the corner of my eye, I saw a man pass us then stop. The man turned and came back to where we were standin’. He was dressed like he had just stepped off the cover of a GQ magazine. His nose was in the air and he smelled of narcissism.

“Excuse me,” he said. My friend and I both looked at him.

“What’d you do?” I asked. My friend snorted.

“I beg your pardon.”

“You said excuse me,” so I figured you must’ve done somethin’.”

“Uh….no…. uh….,” he stammered. “I over-heard your conversation and I wanted to correct some things that were said.”

I looked at my buddy and he looked at me. He had a worried look and slightly shook his head at me. I smiled at him. He sighed. I then turned back to the interrupter.

“Do tell,” I said.

“Well,” he said, in a Thurston Howell the Third voice, “I overheard your friend here say, ‘herd of buffalo’.” He then paused, waitin’ for a response. I didn’t take the bait. I just stared at him with a dead eyed look.

“Um…. well…. you see…… the animal he was speaking about is actually a bison. You know, from the scientific name.” His voice didn’t sound quite as confident as before. I continued to stare.

“Is that all?” I asked.

“Well, uh, actually, a group of them is not called a herd.”

“Really?” I said. “Go on.”

He cleared his throat. “Yes, it is referred to a gang or an obstinacy.” I looked over and my buddy and crossed my eyes. He grunted and put his hand over his mouth and faked a cough. I looked back at the interrupter and smiled.

“That really is fascinatin’.” I said and smiled. His demeanor relaxed a little and his air of superiority started to return.

“So,” I said. “Should we change William Cody’s name to Bison Bill? Should we change Roger Miller’s song to ‘You Can’t Roller Skate in a Bison Obstinacy?”

“Well…. uh…. uh….,” he stammered.

About that time a guy walked by with a service dog. I pointed at the dog and asked, “What do you call that animal?”

He looked to where I was pointing. “The dog?”

“A dog? No, that’s a Canis. You know, from the scientific name. Let me ask you,” I continued, “do you call a dog a Canis?”

“Well, no, but….”

“And what is a group of dogs called?” I asked. As he looked up in thought, I continued. “It’s called pack or a kennel, unless it’s weenie dogs, then it’s called a badger.”

He opened his mouth as if to say something and then closed it. I smiled at him.

“Listen, Bud,” I said. “If I want to call a bison a buffalo, I’ll call it a buffalo. If I want to call a Canis a dog, I’ll call it a dog.” I smiled again. “Do you see any problem with that?”

“Uh……well…. uh…….no,” he stammered. “Uh….Nice talking to you.” Then he turned and left.

I turned back to my buddy who was shakin’ his head. “Don’t you ever worry about getting the crap beat out of you?”

“What? From a Homo sapian like that? Naaa. You could tell by the way he was dressed he wudn’t much of a scrapper.”

“So,” I said, “now tell me about that enormous obstinacy of bison.”