JUST RAMBLIN’

July 31, 2025

by Rusty W. Mitchum

Have you ever met someone who when they talk, just seem to ramble? I’ve been told I’m one of those people. I tend to blurt out whatever’s on my mind. Sometimes it makes sense, sometimes it’s like I have Tourette’s or something. Anywho, today I’m just goin’ to ramble.

This world today revolves around cell phones. I was stopped at a red light yesterday, while headin’ into town to pick up some stuff to do some stuff that my wife Janet wanted me to do. You know as much stuff as I have, you’d think I wouldn’t have to get more stuff to take care of the stuff she’s always comin’ up with for me to do. Heck, I’ve got my own stuff I need to be doin’. Anywho, I was sittin’ at this red light, and it was at a major intersection I might add, when I noticed, several people sittin’ at that same red light were on their cell phones, even though around here I think it’s illegal. Now talkin’ on your cell phone has replaced pickin’ your nose as the favored past time while sittin’ at a red light. Now, don’t tell me you haven’t seen anybody pick their nose at a red light.

Speakin’ about boogers; do you remember the Booger Man? When I was little, the Booger Man was what parents used to scare us kids into not doin’ things we weren’t suppose to be doin’. Somebody told me that the Booger Man was just another name for the Devil, but in my mind’s eye, he was a man made out of boogers. Now, I know the Devil is a scary individual, but a man made out of boogers? Man, the thought still gives me the creeps.

“You better not do that, or the Booger Man will get you,” my parents would say. Well heck, I wouldn’t do whatever it was I was thinkin’ about doin’ because I sure didn’t want the Booger Man to get me. I don’t know what it was he would do to me when he got me, but I sure didn’t want to find out. Heck, to this day, I credit the fear of the Booger Man for keepin’ me out of prison. Well, that and the Electric Chair.

Do y’all remember the Electric Chair? Man I do. Back when I was a kid, if you were convicted of murder, you were more than likely goin’ to get the Electric Chair. That’s what they called it “Gettin’ the Electric Chair.”

“Well, looks like he’s gonna get the Electric Chair,” they’d say.

They’d strap you in that chair and send a jillion volts of electricity through you. Now I don’t know about you, but I’m not really fond of gettin’ electrocuted. Heck, I don’t even like to get shocked from static electricity, although, I never minded shockin’ other people with static electricity.

Up until junior high, I was in an old schoolhouse with wood and metal desks. Well, when I got into the seventh grade, the school I graduated into was new, and had all sorts of modern stuff. We went from great big fans that sucked air from the open window into the room, to air conditionin’. Me and all my buddies from that old school like to have frozen to death the first year we were there. Anywho, they didn’t have wood and metal desks at this school, they had plastic ones. Well, I don’t know who discovered it, but the discovery ranks right up there with anything Columbus or Thomas Edison ever discovered. What it was, you could rub your hind end back and forth on those plastic chairs and it would build up static electricity in your body. Then you’d lightly touch the ear of the person sittin’ in front of you, and a spark would jump from your finger and char their ear. That’s where the sayin’ “Givin’ is better that receivin’” came from.”

Sayin’ that, I still don’t like to be shocked. Now, my daddy would grab a spark plug cable on a lawn mower and pull the cord to see if it’s “gettin’ fire,” but not me. Gettin’ shocked makes me say things that would make the Booger Man cover his ears. Not only that, I get rather violent. And not only gettin’ shocked, but thinkin’ I got shocked makes me crazy. Take the other day for example.

I was down at Skunk Holler changin’ out a light switch that had gone bad. Skunk Holler is what I call the little cabin and lake back behind my house my daddy built nearly 40 years ago. Back then it was a “get-a-way from Rusty” place for him and my momma. Janet and I lived in it while we were buildin’ the house we live in now. It got its name from all the skunks that have taken up residence under it. What was I talkin’ about? Oh yeah, the light switch.

Now, I had cut off the electricity to the house, and I knew there was no way, I could get shocked, but there’s always that little doubt in your mind there, especially when electricity is involved. I had removed the switch cover and unscrewed the switch from the wall, and was in the process of unscrewin’ the hot wire. When I got it unscrewed I grabbed the wire to pull it free of the switch when my cell phone, which I keep in my shirt pocket went off. Well, I had it set on vibrate, and when I touched the wire, the phone vibrated. I hollered out a string of words that would have curled a preacher’s hair. I fell to my knees, and then it vibrated again. I spun around and threw the screwdriver, stickin’ it in the wall at the far end of the room. I was on the floor, on my hands and knees pantin’ like a dog when it went off the third time. By then, I realized it was my phone. It all comes back to cell phones. Man, they must have been invented by the Booger Man.

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