Banana Apeel

July 17, 2025

by Rusty W. Mitchum

Back when I was still workin’, I was in Memphis for an outdoor trade show with some of the other reps. We were stayin’ at a motel that had one of those continental breakfasts. You know the kind; do it yourself waffle irons, cereal, fruit and junk like that. Well, I was sittin’ at a little bitty table across from one of my buddies from one of the firearms manufacturers our company represented. Iwas eatin’ a banana, and we were havin’ a good conversation when this feller walked up to our table.

“You peeled that banana wrong,” he said.

I looked up at him, then back at my buddy. My buddy looked perturbed at bein’ interrupted. I looked back up at the guy and smiled. I finished chewin’ up my bite of banana, swallowed, placed my elbows on the table, put my fingertips together, and then rested my chin on my two pointer fingers, all the while still smilin’ and lookin’ up at the guy.

I tilted my head. “Do tell,” I said to him.

He gave me a narcissistic smile and said, “The correct way to peel a banana is from the other end,” and he pointed at the bottom of the banana.

“Really,” I said.

“Yes,” he said. “You pinch the end, and with two hands, pull the peeling apart.”

“Fascinatin’,” I said and I looked at my buddy. I widened my eyes subtlety at him. He looked away and put his hand up to his mouth to hide a growin’ smile.

I looked back up at the guy. “So all these years I’ve been peelin’ my bananas wrong?” I said.

“I guess so,” he said with a smirk on his face.

“Well, why is your way the correct way?” I asked.

“Because,” he said, “that’s the way the monkeys peel them.”

I slowly looked at my buddy. He wouldn’t even look at me.

I looked back up at the fellow, smiled and said, “Welp, Miss Jane Goodall, monkeys also poop in their hands and throw it at people. Should I do that, too?” My buddy snorted, jumped up and took off. The banana guy got a surprised look on his face.

“Uh…….uh…….,” he stammered.

“Do I look like a blame monkey?” I asked.

“Uh…….. No! Of course not!”

“Look, I take it you’re the sort that believes in evolution, right?”

“Well, there is some validity in the theory,” he said, tryin’ to compose himself.

“Well then, if you think we evolved from monkeys, do you think that maybe part of that evolution involved how we peel bananas? Maybe, just maybe, the monkeys haven’t evolved enough to figure out that they are actually peelin’ them wrong; ever think about that?”

“Well,….uh…… no, not really.”

“Then go peddle your propaganda somewhere else.”

“Uh…… yeah……uh…….sure……uh sorry I interrupted,” and he turned and left.

In a minute my buddy showed back up and sat down.

“You know,” he said, “I don’t know how you’re still alive.”

I smiled. “Because I’m lovable.”

“Ha!” He laughed. “Yeah, that ain’t it.”

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